"I Think, Therefore I Ant."
August 14
World’s
Oldest Lady Does What's
Expected...
Associated
Press
TOKYO–Yone Minagawa, the world's oldest person, has died at 114 at a nursing
home in southwestern
Japan
, an official said today.
Born Jan. 4, 1893, she was named the world's oldest person by the Guinness
Book of World Records in January.
Friends
and family of the woman were not available for comment, as they have all been
dead for decades.
August 10
Another
Pucca, Another Foreign Language
Well, it looks
like another one of my episodes of Pucca (my fourth, but who’s counting?)
has made it to YouTube – and once again it’s in a language that isn’t
English.
Should
you be interested, here’s the lowdown…
We
open on Ring Ring, she is performing Chinese Opera for the villagers.
Meanwhile in the distance and from the kitchen, lowly dishwasher, Dada,
watches Ring Ring. The poor loser is totally lovesick and wishes she would
fall for him. He then holds up his
soap bottle and looks at the bottle’s corporate mascot, Mr. Dishy.
”You’re the only friend I’ve got,” he laments.
Then,
as in wont in these types of things, Mr. Dishy comes out of the soap bottle.
Yup, he’s a soap genie. Bet you didn’t see that coming, huh?
Mr.
Dishy promises to make Dada the cleanest, shiniest and coolest guy in the
village. He will be irresistible to women. (Which is nice work if you can get
it.)
With a soap bubble zap, Mr. Dishy transforms Dada into a slick guy. (In the
English version he speaks like Carey Grant). No
one even recognizes him. So here
he is, enjoying his new life because all the women want him and all the men
are jealous of him. But, like all
great deals, there’s a catch – when he gets dirty, the soap magic wears
off and he reverts back to his sad sack self. Yes
folks, our lowly dishwasher constantly needs his quick soap fix in order to
face society. And who’s there to
help him out? Why, it’s good
ol’ Mr. Dishy, always on the ready to give him another zap of bubble magic
and make him cool again. Now, Mr. Dishy never says anything like, “the first
one’s free,” but he does remind Dada that he will only be cool and slick
as long as he stays clean. Hooked Dada takes to carrying the bottle with him
everywhere he goes; you know, just in case...
Superficial Ring Ring is hot for
his shimmering chest and she and Dada quickly become the "it"
couple. But rich, spoiled girls are a tough deal and demanding and so it only
stands to reason that Ring Ring makes him perform all kinds of insane stunts
to impress her (so she can in turn impress Pucca with her hot and hunky
daredevil boyfriend). Hilarity,
I gather, ensues…
One
other thing, according to Pucca
Trivia at Wikipedia (and I quote), “In the beginning of "Soap Opera", Ring Ring is
singing Chinese opera similar to a beat song from the Pop'n Music series.” So
there!
Here’s
the linky poo… Soap
Opera
July 30
10
Lamest Excuses for Sporadic Blogging
It's
been one of those seasons...
The
early heat gave you a rash that started on your groin, spread to your typing
fingers and eventually moved all the way to the creative spot in your brain
(known as the Brainiac Zone). You
slept through the first three weeks of summer, spilled coffee on your only
silk shirt and so then had to study sericulture (silk farming),
and consequently rear an army of silkworms for the production of said
new shirt. Also: Not having insolent kids
who wouldn't wake up or clean up after themselves proved to be a revelation
that you were missing “something” in your life, so you had to go out and
kidnap (hmm, hence the name) three small children – and that takes time.
These
are just a few of the lame excuses people use for sporadic blogging…
16% of bloggers say they ignore their
obligations to write for .00000000000000000000000000000001% of the world – at least according to a
survey I just made up – and one-in-four of all bloggers (for those who
can’t do the math and don’t have an extra person around to help count
fingers and toes that’s 25%) admit to making up phoney excuses to
explain their infrequent blogging.
Reasons
for this vary from forgetting they even had a blog to feeling sick about their
blog. 31% of bloggers attributed their lack of updates to a
lack of traffic, 16% blamed George Bush and 8% cited having
lives to live.
Here
are 10 examples of my most recent and lame excuses for sporadic blogging:
1.
I’ve been busy launching my new career as a pimp and a start up business is
all consuming. Plus, finding the hookers is a bitch. Those gals don’t grow on
trees you know.
2. My
dog dialled 911, and then my dog and I got into a domestic dispute. And then
the police arrived and wanted to question me about what "really went
down." I kept telling them
that the bite marks on my leg and face happened when I walked into a door, but
they weren’t buying it. So, wouldn’t you know it, the police moved into my
house to monitor the situation between me and the dog.
And that meant cooking for two more mouths, and all that extra laundry.
3.
I accidentally destroyed all of my undergarments and so therefore felt
uncomfortable at the notion of sitting on a chair without wearing underwear,
and I need to sit on a chair to type. And
I need to type to blog…
4.
I woke up and thought I was a professional golfer.
After several rounds of golf I discovered the sad truth that I am not.
5.
Fuck off, okay?
6. I
dangled my testicles too close to an open fan.
7. A
raccoon promised it would ghost blog for me if I left it food on the porch.
The little bastard lied to me.
8. I
killed a raccoon and had to dismember the corpse and then come up with an
alibi.
9. I
was putting lotion on my face when my finger went up my nose and got stuck up
there and jammed my Brainiac Zone,
making it impossible for me to blog.
10. A
pixie climbed into my car at a stop light and demanded pixie dust. When I
explained I didn’t have any, she beat the shit out of me. I’ve just gotten
out of the hospital… Oh, and my fear of pixies must have somehow affected my
creativity (otherwise known as my Brainiac
Zone).
As
explanations vary, so do men and women when it comes to not blogging like
young savages. Males are less
prone to this slipshod type of behaviour with 41% saying they've
blogged at the funerals of loved ones, compared to 37% of females.
Most
of us make up excuses because at least it gives us something to write about.
May 1 (Rabbits)
The
Elevator Hug
Here's a
link
to a little cartoon I volunteered to write for. It's a campaign for
a "Virtual Hug."
This virtual hug is meant to
help raise funds for Meagan’s Walk which raises funds to fight paediatric
brain tumours. Meagan’s Walk was started by Denise Bebenek after her 5 year
old daughter Meagan died of a brain tumour 6 years ago. Every year on
Mother’s Day, Denise leads thousands of people to hug SickKids where Meagan
had received such excellent care. This virtual hug remembers her love of
laughter and of hugs. If it makes you smile, I hope you will
consider sharing this virtual hug with your friends and maybe even
consider donating to this worthy cause.
Last Christmas is so 2006...
Only 135 Shopping Days Left Until Xmas!
Meanwhile...
Ten Men Who
Can’t Do Drag
The
Monsters That Tucked Me In
Satan’s
New Image
The 12
Strange Faces of Jesus
Partisan
Broadcast System
Twisted
Toys In The Attic
 Movie
Monsters From Way Back
What
to say in a Job Interview
Powerful
Superwomen
 Top
Ten Books of Summer 2005
Fashion Faux
Pas
 Liner
Notes From Bad Albums
Journals of Leon
Schlesinger
(to
the top)
To read all the other mildly exciting editions of
"Avery's Daily Journal" visit
"Avery's Journal Archives"
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