"I Think, Therefore I Ant."
June 15
The
Marcy Chronicles Part I
It’s
the 1950’s and “Little Marcy” a needy, freakish little girl with wooden
features, lifeless blue eyes, a permanent and disturbing grin, not to mention
a complete lack of fashion sense, has just recorded her first album, “Sing
Along With Marcy". Sure, it’s
a piece of crap, but the public is captivated by Little Marcy; she
looks so lifelike – and that’s because she is! Even better, this
weird looking kid has a spunky Christian attitude. Yes, she’s okay and you’re okay… You know, as long as you’re a Christian…
“Sing Along With Marcy” will be the first in line of what is to be a
catalogue of 16 albums – each one dismally amazing in the fact that it
manages to be more risible than its predecessor. On
this first album, little Marcy is accompanied by “Big Marcy” her alcoholic lesbian manager, who, along with
being forced by Little Marcy
to wear matching outfits, will later try and murder Little Marcy with a
wood-chipper. But you all know
that story.
At this early stage Little Marcie is naïve enough to believe that having a ceramic
deer (known as Mr. Ruminant) and a note from Dale Evans (really!) will help
kick start her young career. Neither
help in the slightest. In fact, Little Marcy never forgives Ms. Evans and
blames her for poor album sales.
(Year later Little Marcy is often seen driving
outside of Ms. Evan’s mansion wielding a shotgun and shouting out, “I know
you’re in there, bitch!”)
However,
Little Marcy isn't green for long and quickly she begins making sure she
always gets her way. First up: Mr. Ruminant – Little Marcy, deems this gimmick as disposable and later
that year she buys a pair of brass
knuckles and then punches him to bits while telling a worried Big Marcy that
she will no
longer work with animals...
Or anyone else who tries to fuck her over.
Yes, it’s the dawn of what should prove to be an exciting career in the lively
arts...
June 13
How
Robbie Does It…
As best as I can
figure out, first, he has a lot of facial hair to begin with. Sure, he looks
like Lucifer – but that’s just meant to throw us off!
J Then
he gets some dark shoe polish, pubic hair and glue.
He applies the Eddie Munster forehead polish and then covers his cheeks
in glue and applies the pubic hair. Next,
more shoe polish, glue and pubic hair are added. He then breaks his own nose
and pulls the snout cartilage up and finally finishes up by sticking two small
slivers of wood into his upper lip. Boy, they sure
knew how to do spooky drama back then.
May 1 (Rabbits)
The
Elevator Hug
Here's a
link
to a little cartoon I volunteered to write for. It's a campaign for
a "Virtual Hug."
This virtual hug is meant to
help raise funds for Meagan’s Walk which raises funds to fight paediatric
brain tumours. Meagan’s Walk was started by Denise Bebenek after her 5 year
old daughter Meagan died of a brain tumour 6 years ago. Every year on
Mother’s Day, Denise leads thousands of people to hug SickKids where Meagan
had received such excellent care. This virtual hug remembers her love of
laughter and of hugs. If it makes you smile, I hope you will
consider sharing this virtual hug with your friends and maybe even
consider donating to this worthy cause.
Last Christmas is so 2006...
Only 195 Shopping Days Left Until Xmas!
Meanwhile...
Ten Men Who
Can’t Do Drag
The
Monsters That Tucked Me In
Satan’s
New Image
The 12
Strange Faces of Jesus
Partisan
Broadcast System
Twisted
Toys In The Attic
 Movie
Monsters From Way Back
What
to say in a Job Interview
Powerful
Superwomen
 Top
Ten Books of Summer 2005
Fashion Faux
Pas
 Liner
Notes From Bad Albums
Journals of Leon
Schlesinger
(to
the top)
To read all the other mildly exciting editions of
"Avery's Daily Journal" visit
"Avery's Journal Archives"
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