"I Think, Therefore I Ant."
May 8
On the Street Interview
INTERVIEWER:
Good afternoon everyone this is Carl Wade, intrepid reporter and today I am
live on the streets of
Toronto
to conduct our person on the street interviews where we give you the chance to
air your views on the issues of the day. Today I am going to be asking people
how they, as Torontonians, feel they are perceived by other Canadians. Here
comes someone now...excuse me...sir...sir.
MAN:
Who, me?
INTERVIEWER:
Yes sir...I was wondering if I could ask you a question. How do you think
other Canadians perceive Torontonians?
MAN:
Other Canadians?
INTERVIEWER:
Yes.
MAN:
I'm afraid I don't quite understand.
INTERVIEWER:
Well let me re-phrase that then...how do you think people who don't live in
Toronto
see Torontonians?
MAN:
You mean foreigners.
INTERVIEWER:
No...I mean Canadians...in other Provinces.
MAN:
Other whats?
INTERVIEWER:
Canadians who live outside of
Toronto
.
MAN:
Oh...I see...you mean like my Aunt Ruth who lives in
Florida
?
INTERVIEWER:
No! I mean people in...say...
Manitoba
.
MAN:
Mani....?
INTERVIEWER:
Toba...
Manitoba
...
MAN:
I'm not familiar with that...
INTERVIEWER:
British Columbia
?
MAN:
No...sorry.
INTERVIEWER:
Prince Edward Island
?
Nova Scotia
?
Newfoundland
?
MAN:
Gee a couple of those ring a bell but....well I'm not big on Geography. Are
they in
Asia
by any chance?
INTERVIEWER:
No. They are Canadian Provinces.
MAN:
No, I think you're wrong.
INTERVIEWER:
I assure you that I am not wrong.
MAN:
Well if they are Provinces I'm sure the people there think very highly of us.
What's not to like?
INTERVIEWER:
Thank you very much. That was....interesting.
MAN:
Did I win anything?
INTERVIEWER:
Just move along okay. Well we're off to a slow start but I'm sure we can find
a slightly more enlightened Torontonian. Ah, here comes a sharply dressed
business woman. I'm sure she'll be more co-operative. Excuse me madam, I'm
doing a person on the street in..
WOMAN:
I'm in a hurry.
INTERVIEWER:
I just want to ask...
WOMAN:
Leave me alone or I'll call a cop.
INTERVIEWER:
No, you don't understand.
WOMAN:
I have mace and I'm not afraid to use it...
INTERVIEWER:
That won't be necessary I assure you.
WOMAN:
Look I don't have any change alright! So buzz off. Maybe if you got a job
instead of hassling people on the street you'd have some self respect.
INTERVIEWER:
I don't want any money.
WOMAN:
Well then I'm certainly not interested in your Church of the Occult Penguins
or Buddha Witness' or Krishna Dartu or whatever it is that you're peddling.
INTERVIEWER:
I just want to ask you a question...I'm a reporter.
WOMAN:
I didn't see anything. I don't want to get involved.
INTERVIEWER:
I just want an opinion.
WOMAN:
Look I don't know who you are but you fax your questions to my lawyers and
I'll look them over.
INTERVIEWER:
Would you say that Torontonians are rude and self absorbed?
WOMAN:
I never said that. Don't put words in my mouth. Who told you I said that?
INTERVIEWER:
No one....
WOMAN:
Take that thing outa my face...that's assault. I'll sue you and your radio
station.
INTERVIEWER:
Alright, I'm sorry.
WOMAN:
Damn city! You can't even walk down the street without some weirdo harassing
you.
INTERVIEWER:
Look I'm sorry. My goodness.
GUY:
Forget about her, she's not a typical Torontonian.
INTERVIEWER:
Excuse me? Oh hello. I don't suppose you'd like to venture an opinion on how
you feel Torontonians are perceived by other Canadians?
GUY:
I personally don't think other Canadians are too preoccupied with
Toronto
. I mean they have lives too. It would be pretty ego-centric to imagine that
all they do is sit around and think about Torontonians.
INTERVIEWER:
That's an astute point.
GUY:
But if I had to make a generalization I'd say that they are wary of our
arrogance and attempts to emulate large American cities.
INTERVIEWER:
Really?
GUY:
Oh sure. I mean a city this size can be intimidating but I think that if they
gave it a chance they'd realize that we share the same concerns and dreams as
they do. That's a nice tape recorder.
INTERVIEWER:
Thanks. Go on.
GUY:
I want a tape recorder like that.
INTERVIEWER:
Well they're very expensive.
GUY:
I said I want it.
INTERVIEWER:
It's mine. Well it belongs to the CBC actually but they let me use it.
GUY:
Oh yeah? Well this knife is all mine, I stole it!
INTERVIEWER:
It's lovely....Did I mention that I'm live at Gerrard and Parliament Streets.
If there are any people out there who...
GUY:
Shut up.
INTERVIEWER:
Police officers for instance. I'd love to hear their opinion on this issue.
GUY:
I said shut up. Give it to me.
INTERVIEWER:
Hey...help....help...anyone.
SFX:
Struggle. Tape Breaking. Static.
BROADCASTER:
Unfortunately due to technical
difficulties we are unable to bring you the rest of Carl Wade's person on the
street interview. We now return you to the studio.
May 7
Hilton
Ordered to Jail – A Nation is Thrilled
The
entire world agrees: It’s great that Paris Hilton is going to jail.
Why,
when the news was delivered on local
Toronto
news station CFTO, anchor Andrea Case went as far as to say, “Yay!”
So
much for impartiality in journalism… Still
she was right to cheer. So
starting this June 5th – The
Paris
Hilton Daily Jail Journals.
May 1 (Rabbits)
The
Elevator Hug
Here's a
link
to a little cartoon I volunteered to write for. It's a campaign for
a "Virtual Hug."
This virtual hug is meant to
help raise funds for Meagan’s Walk which raises funds to fight paediatric
brain tumours. Meagan’s Walk was started by Denise Bebenek after her 5 year
old daughter Meagan died of a brain tumour 6 years ago. Every year on
Mother’s Day, Denise leads thousands of people to hug SickKids where Meagan
had received such excellent care. This virtual hug remembers her love of
laughter and of hugs. If it makes you smile, I hope you will
consider sharing this virtual hug with your friends and maybe even
consider donating to this worthy cause.
Last Christmas is so 2006...
Only 232 Shopping Days Left Until Xmas!
(to
the top)
To read all the other mildly exciting editions of
"Avery's Daily Journal" visit
"Avery's Journal Archives"
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