"I Think, Therefore I Ant."
May 25
PEER
PRESSURE
Dude:
Man that William's is such a jerk. I can't believe they let morons like that
teach.
Guy:
He's better then the math teacher I had at central. That guy was completely
brain dead.
Dude:
Well I guess they're the same everywhere.
Guy:
You said it.
Dude:
Smoke?
Guy:
No...thanks.
Dude:
Trying to quit?
Guy:
No I never started.
Dude:
Oh...you're one of them.
Guy:
One of what?
Dude:
Oh nothing...look I'm not saying you're scared or anything.
Guy:
Oh please lay off the grade school peer pressure alright I am perfectly
capable of making decisions on my own.
Dude:
Fine...I mean if you don't want to.
Guy:
Alright. Will you be satisfied if I smoke one cigarette?
Dude:
It's up to you.
Guy:
Fine (smokes). Satisfied?
Dude:
I couldn't care less. Toke?
Guy:
No.
Dude:
Oh..one of..
Guy:
Alright...a puff. There, I'm a man alright.
Dude:
Chill out.
Guy: I
hate this, I really thought this school would be different.
Dude:
Crack?
Guy:
Okay, now listen. Cigarettes and soft drugs are one thing but crack is a
killer and I think I am on firm ground when I say that refusing to smoke it is
not going to make me less cool.
Dude:
Fine, don't smoke it.
Guy:
Oh what the hell does that mean?
Dude:
All the more for me.
Guy: I
am not a wimp.
Dude:
I agree...different strokes.
Guy:
Fine... Give me the pipe...drop another rock in there.
Dude:
Hey that's all I've got.
Guy:
Well I guess I've shown you huh? Now come on tough guy...what's next huh?
Heroin? Armed robbery? (pulls gun) Let's do it. You gonna dare me to off the
principal is that it?
Dude:
What?
Guy:
Think I'm scared huh...? God I hate that.
Dude:
Look man relax, you're my friend.
Guy:
Friend? Friend? what does that mean?
Dude:
Nothing.
Guy:
Daring me to experiment with homosexuality huh? (kisses him)
Dude:
Aghhhhhh...that crack's drivin' you mad.
Guy:
Oh sure I'll be mad if you want me to be...so I can fit in. I mean if I'm
going to succumb I may as well do it completely.
Dude:
Get lost.
Guy:
Get lost....I'm not going to kill myself man.
Dude:
I'm not asking you to.
Guy:
You think I'm scared...you think I'm afraid to do it…well I'm not, I'm not
afraid you know, I mean if it's gonna prove something to you that's just fine,
if that's what I've got to do to be cool wonderful but I am not scared (shoots
himself)
Dude:
Talk about stress....
A Gal enters.
Gal:
Hi...
Dude:
Hi...smoke?
Gal:
Thanks but no...
Dude:
Oh...one of them....
May 24
Viagra – Is There Anything It
Can’t Do?
Along
with making some people blind (it’s true, you really will go blind) the male
impotence drug Viagra may be useful for treating jet lag in Hamsters according
to Argentine researchers.
Hamsters
(known as the globe trotting rodent) who were given Viagra recovered from jet
lag up to 50 percent faster than hamsters that were not given it, the
researchers said.
The
scientists said there were some minor side effects, "You know… the
erections,” they wrote.
However
they were quick to remind everyone that in the future when jet setting
Hamsters fly across multiple time zones their sleep cycle’s will no longer
be confused and therefore suffer from the condition called jet lag, marked by
insomnia, sleepiness and difficulty concentrating. “And besides,” they
added, “horny hamsters are funny as Hell.”
May 22
HEY
KIDS, IT’S TIME FOR MORE
ASK FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER...
Advice for the lovelorn, stitch-faced, bolt headed, confused, possibly
Transylvanian and all monstrous stops in-between and between the in-between.
Ask
Frank!
Dear
Frankenstein’s Monster:
Talk about uncomfortable social
situations...last Wednesday I had my fiancé over for dinner and while he
regaled me with a pithy story I happened to notice that he was accidentally
eating his own left arm instead of the pork chops I had prepared. I had no
idea if I should mention it to him casually and risk embarrassing him or
whether I should just pretend I hadn't noticed and wait for him to either
realize it himself. Fortunately he went into shock and dropped into a coma
before I had to push the issue... Did I handle this situation properly?
Frankenstein
Monster Say:
Wha?
Hmmmm…. Frankenstein think this joke mail, so he not answer.
Frankenstein no like to be made fool of.
Frankenstein crush anyone who send him mail like this ever again!
Ragggggh! Frankenstein angry. Frankenstein have issues with joke mail!
Raghhhhhhh!
May 1 (Rabbits)
The
Elevator Hug
Here's a
link
to a little cartoon I volunteered to write for. It's a campaign for
a "Virtual Hug."
This virtual hug is meant to
help raise funds for Meagan’s Walk which raises funds to fight paediatric
brain tumours. Meagan’s Walk was started by Denise Bebenek after her 5 year
old daughter Meagan died of a brain tumour 6 years ago. Every year on
Mother’s Day, Denise leads thousands of people to hug SickKids where Meagan
had received such excellent care. This virtual hug remembers her love of
laughter and of hugs. If it makes you smile, I hope you will
consider sharing this virtual hug with your friends and maybe even
consider donating to this worthy cause.
Last Christmas is so 2006...
Only 215 Shopping Days Left Until Xmas!
(to
the top)
To read all the other mildly exciting editions of
"Avery's Daily Journal" visit
"Avery's Journal Archives"
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