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"I Think, Therefore I Ant."
November 8
Just
So You
Know
Some tips for retirement planning from an expert in the industry:
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock three years ago, it would now be
worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.
With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.
But if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer three years ago, drank all the
beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling…
REFUND:
You would have $614.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and
recycle.
November 6
The
Many Facial Expressions of
Paris
Hilton
Stupefied
Sleepy
Dopey
Sneezy
Constipated
Flabbergasted
Bilious
Discombobulated
November 4
Madonna's
New Baby Pic
What
'choo talking 'bout Madonna?
November 3
Really?
Geraldine
(front) pictured on her last airline flight in 1977...
Geraldine
Dingly, the world’s oldest person has died at 116. Friends and family of the
woman were not available for comment, as they have all been dead for decades.
November 2
Voting for Dummies
When
considering your candidates for these mid-term elections, it’s not a bad
plan to remember… “Voting for
Dummies.”
“Voting
for Dummies” strips away the veils of complication and reduces its subject
to its simplest form. The tome quickly dispenses with the need to review
policy statements, political track records and mind boggling financial
analysis - suggesting rather that potential voters focus on more tangible and
reliable forms of decision making. In
other words, "Voting for Dummies" reduces the electoral process to
something a potty-trained chimpanzee could do in its sleep!
Chapters such as "You're Pissed Off So Vote For The Other Guy" sum
up how to cast your ballet out of spite and based solely on booting out the
current government. According to authors, all that’s required is an
understanding of which political party currently holds power. Once you’ve
figured that out – vote for, that’s right, the other guy! It’s concise,
dumbed-down and mind numbingly simple. Just like the politicians you’re
voting for.
According to the authors, the only prerequisite to voting using this method is
an understanding of which political party currently holds power. If they are
democrats, vote republican. If they are republican, vote democrat. The
idea here is that you're unhappy, so the alternative must be better than the
current government. Simple.
The book contains dozens of other surefire means for no-brainer
decision-making. Chapters like "He Looks Honest," dovetail perfectly
into “How To Draw An X” and "Count The Lawn Signs and Do What Your
Neighbors Do."
”Voting for Dummies” promises to be another popular fall and a
perfect lead in to the anticipated winter release of "Lion Taming for
Dummies" and "Writing for Dummy Books for Dummies."
November 1 (Rabbits)
Thanks!
A heartfelt thanks to all who sent me their kind emails.
It really made my day.
Tomorrow:
Voting For Dummies… Or something else, I dunno yet. But until then
– Men with crazy moustaches!
October 31
The
Last Rant
This
is it! Today
we post the last rant… However,
for the faithful few who visit my frequently baffling and often unfathomable journal – good news! I shall happily continue to
fill it with
my puerile and nonsensical ramblings.
I would also like to thank a bunch of people (in no particular order) for all
their support.
Doug over at Doug’s Dynamic Drivel
for his constant support and
hilarious ant observations. Norm
at One Good Move for posting so many
rants and for having such an excellent site. Hanan at Grow
A Brain
for being one of the first bloggers ever to post the ant and for continuing to do so. My
pal, centrocampista
at Blogywood for constantly
featuring the ant with all his other excellent posts.
The Goose
for doing the same – and for his great sense of humour! My friends at Bush
Flash, Bart Cop, Skippy,
Goody, The
Presurfer, The
Sideshow, Bifurcated
Rivets, Look At This and the
thousands of other sites that posted us.
Special thanks go out to Adrian for all his excellent voice work, Brian for
designing a cool ant, Timothy for the web work, my pal Spud for all her
fantastic photo-shopping, (including the image above) M. Leo, Victor P., and
(of course), John, for their writing contributions. And last and most important of all, my buddy and sweetheart Susan for, well, everything!
Last Christmas is so 2005...
Only 49 Shopping Days Left Until Xmas!
(to
the top)
To read all the other mildly exciting editions of
"Avery's Daily Journal" visit
"Avery's Journal Archives"
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