"I Think, Therefore I Ant."
July 3
This Week’s Featured
Album:
Gee, Dad
Organ Music by Ed Scofield with son Tim
Liner Notes.
All songs by Ed Scofield unless noted.
Side One:
1. My Big Organ and My Son’s Small Kit
2. I Wish I Was Sterile
3. Stop Calling Me “Dad”
4. When Big Brains and Good Looks Skip A Generation (The Ballad Of Tim)
5. You Were An Accident
6. Keep Your Eyes Off Mom – I Saw Her First
7. Where Did You Hide My Gun, Tim?
8. You’re 16, You’re A Man, You’re Out Of The House
Side Two:
1. Tim (You’re An Enormous
Disappointment)
2. Dad Gets The Groupies
3. Making My Boy Cry (Makes Me A Big Man)
4. Shut Up and Shine My Shoes
5. Surfing Bird California Wipe Out Girl (by Tim Scofield)
6. Dumb As A Chimp and Twice As Smelly (An Ode To My Son)
7. The Useless Progeny Two-Step
8. I Think Tim’s A Homo
Writing and performing
“Gee, Dad” was a long, difficult, acrimonious and, yes, explosively
violent experience. Originally intended to be an artistic collaboration of
folk organ ballads written by a loving dad and his “devoted son” it ended
up being a financial setback and an ugly discovery of the shortcomings and
many failings of my hapless drummer boy, Tim. We walked into the studio with
one objective: to write catchy songs about the seasons (mainly Fall). We
walked out of the studio with a newer objective: to never speak to each other
again. I’m pleased to say that we still haven’t exchanged a single word.
These 16 songs represent what I went through in that studio and are the
essence of everything that I discovered about my son as well as my feelings of
absolute disgust for them: From my concerns about his obsession with his
mother to my thorough belief that he is a vile and deviant homosexual. And
I’ll say this much, my feelings of loathing really come through in all the
songs (with the exception of Tim’s derivatively putrid “single,” Surfing
Bird California Wipe Out Girl) and I still enjoy playing them when
family comes by for a visit. We had everyone over last Xmas and I fired up the
Hammond and played a rather “rocking” version of I
Think Tim’s A Homo. It didn’t go over all that well with everyone,
but I was so drunk I couldn’t have cared less. Ha, ha, ha.
Ed
Scofield (revised liner notes 1972)
My therapist says I should
try and talk about that summer dad and I recorded these 16 tracks. So I’ll
try... “Gee, Dad, you ruined my life and I hate you.”
Tim
Scofield (Belleview Mental Asylum 1972)
Cover
photo: Mrs. Scofield. © 1967 Oedipus Records
Tom Cruise Insanity Watch
Today: Guarded
(Check Back For Daily Updates)
Brook
Shields:
Suddenly Famous Again
Brooke Shields' war of words with the
strange creature that calls itself Tom Cruise, has taken another amusing twist
after the Suddenly Susan “actress” redeveloped her taste for being
“suddenly-in-the-spotlight.”
Cruise, the incredibly
mediocre and easy-to-ridicule actor has lately being making a name for himself
as a
deranged and zealous apostle of L. Ron Hubbard's Scientology religion. He recently lashed
out at Shields in an interview for condoning the use of drugs she used to help
overcome post-partum depression.
"I'm
going to take a wild guess and say that Mr. Cruise has never suffered from
postpartum depression," she wrote in an op-ed piece published Friday in
the New York Times. “Oh, and I’m also available to perform for
weddings, parties and funerals.”
Always
eager to jam his foot in his mouth and defend his wacky religion, Cruise
countered quickly, “Ms. Shields once again proves her ignorance. My religion
allows men to give birth, and I, in fact, just recently delivered two shinny
gold alien babies to be sacrificed at the alter of Ron. L. Hubbard. Sure, I
was a little depressed after my bout of breeding, but I took a handful of vitamin C,
pumped some iron and then felt way better. Yah! Yah! Yah!”
Shields
called his reply "a disservice to true psychotics and wigged-out UFO
believers everywhere."
Your
Horoscope:
Aries: You will have
plenty to say today and you’ll do it while speaking in tongues.
Taurus: What
happens today will come as a shock – but remember, you’re nowhere nears as
nuts as Tom Cruise.
Gemini: At times you have problems with punctuality. Those times are
called “all the times you’re late.”
Cancer: Like most Cancerians you have a tendency to live in the
past. Hopefully that time machine you’re building will solve this dilemma.
Leo: Why do you believe you are surrounded by enemies? Why do you
believe the world is against you? Oh... right.
Virgo: You are being deprived of essential space and freedom. Maybe it’s
time you stopped living in a cardboard box.
Libra: A leather couch and a leather mask will both be used today in a sex
act.
Scorpio: A problem you were convinced was unsolvable is. Right again
Scorpio!
Sagittarius: Good news! You will come into a vast fortune of... Whoops,
sorry, wrong horoscope: Today you will eat stew.
Capricorn: The planet suggests you need a stronger antiperspirant.
Aquarius: If you want to avoid making costly mistakes lock yourself inside
and shut yourself off from the world. It really works!
Pisces: You will amaze your friends and family by being sober all day and
not picking a fight with any of them.
The Curious George Epilogue
The recent discovery of a hitherto
unpublished manuscript in a Greenwich Village loft has rocked the world of
children’s literature. While it has not been definitively attributed to
authors Margaret and H. A. Ray, many scholars are convinced they are indeed
responsible for the shocking Curious Yellow. If
it is true, it offers a disturbing
glimpse of the couple’s darker side and
serves up an unnerving insight into both their love/hate relationship with the
monkey that brought them fame and their desire to be seen as serious writers.
Curious
Yellow (Draft 1, description of illustrations in italics.
8/4/57)
Man
in yellow hat in bed, unshaven, eyes bloodshot.
Sickly bird on windowsill. Neck
of empty bottle seen under bed (no detail!).
Wallet open on bedside table, empty as well.
1.
This is the man in the yellow hat. He is a writer of books!
He is also
George’s
best friend. Sometimes the man in
the yellow hat wakes up screaming. Sometimes the man in the yellow hat despises himself because
of his secret weakness and lack of personal integrity.
And today
he is going to
do both! Because today is
George’s birthday!
George
in bedroom. Window barred, floors
and walls filthy. Cold air blowing in through tattered curtains.
Beret in corner of room as well as red rubber ball and kite.
2.
Here is George. He is a monkey. And
he is very curious. At night he
dreams of
bananas and trees and of his mother, from whose teat he was plucked
at the tender age of 12 weeks after she was freed from this earth by the single bullet of a small German pistol.
Man
in yellow hat in George’s room laughing strangely. George jumps on bed. Through window we see faceless people
walking single file in the rain.
3.
“Happy Birthday George!” shrieked the man in the yellow hat.
Kitchen.
A poorly wrapped present on a table. Man
in yellow hat stands, edgy. George
jumps, inane and unknowing.
4.
The man in the yellow hat noticed his hands were shaking as he poured
George a
glass of milk and handed him a banana.
“This is a special day George, today is
your birthday. This is a present for you but I do not want you to open it
until I
get home from work.” George
looked at the package carefully. He
was curious about
what was inside.
Front
hallway. Opposite apartment door open. Woman
of questionable background exiting. Man in yellow hat has worried look and old
attaché in hand. George sees him
off but casts an eye back to the kitchen.
5.
“I will not be late. So be a good boy and do not answer the door or
telephone. Make no noise and keep out of the windows.
And do not open
your present. Tonight we will
have cake and wine and read passages from Marx under the cover of darkness,” said the man in the yellow
hat. George scratched himself and laughed, thinking only of his present
and wondering what could be inside the box.
Kitchen.
Roach on cupboard. Rat on floor. George holds package close to him.
6.
George knew that he should leave the present alone. But he was so
curious.
Senate
Hearings Room. Senator McCarthy in chair. Man in yellow hat seated at table,
behind microphone. He appears “shaky” his eyes red and his tie loosened.
7.
The man in the yellow hat felt hatred grip his body like a cancer. He
was
a coward, and
a fool. He was addicted to
morphine and a communist sympathizer. But his sympathy had run out. The men seated behind
the table had frightened him into
naming names. He had been told
it was in his
best interest. He knew that after it was all over he would
never ever work again.
Kitchen.
George, flies buzzing about his head, puts the package back on the table and
looks at it.
8.
George felt and understood nothing. It was a lack of knowledge and
instinct that
only a monkey in a wholly unnatural experience could know.
If he knew
only one thing, it was that it would be very unwise to disobey the
man in the yellow hat. George
decided to leave the package alone.
Package.
Close-up. Slight tear in poorly wrapped paper. Silver fish crawling on
package.
9.
“Oh my,” thought George. “I have accidentally ripped the paper.
The man
in the yellow
hat will be so furious with me. I must fix it.” George struggled
in vain to
repair the package but his lack of opposing thumbs and awkwardness of
age caused him to only make matters worse.
Three
illustrations of package becoming unwrapped. Increasing, primal fear appearing
on George’s face. Final
illustration -- George staring at brown box.
10.
Soon, all of the wrapping paper was on the floor. George knew he was in
trouble, and
that his curiosity had gotten the better of him, but he had not intended
to be bad.
Bar.
Man in yellow hat, half-drunk, throwing the last of his dollars away. Empty
shot glasses. Assorted barflies and party girls.
11.
There would be no cake and wine this evening.
George
opening package. Contents unseen. Terror
in his face. Little hands all askew.
12.
Since the wrapping paper was already off, there was no harm in taking
a peek,
thought George.
Man
in yellow hat with man in white coat in alley. Two starving dogs fight for
garbage in
background.
13.
The man in the yellow hat needed money. He needed to get out of town
and he needed
to start his life over again. His new friend, the man in the white
coat was sympathetic.
Kitchen.
George holding German pistol. Note is visible and reads: “This is the gun I
used to kill your mother. I am
ashamed and weak. Please kill me
and then yourself. I haven’t
the nerve to do it.”
14.
If George had been able to read, he would have been upset.
Kitchen.
Man in yellow hat staggering in. He is weeping.
He sees George with the gun and collapses to his knees in shame. George
points pistol, curious expression.
15.
The man in the yellow hat cried out, trying to release the demons that
tormented him,
“I killed your mother because of you. I loved you. And
because of that, my morphine addiction, weakness for alcohol and belief
in Communism I
am ruined. I am not a man. I am a grotesquerie.”
Two
illustrations. George draws bead on man.
Considers.
Puts
gun down and jumps in his lap.
16.
George could not stay mad. The man in the yellow hat was his friend.
“Things will get better, George, I’m turning my life around and
moving to Argentina.” The man in the yellow hat threw George in the air, picked him
up, and sat
him down. “But things must be different. I have made arrangements for
you.” George was curious.
Two
illustrations. Man in yellow hat
on street with George. George is on harness. Faceless people in background.
Later. Man in yellow hat
tearfully accepting money from man in white coat.
17.
The man in the yellow hat smiled weakly. “George.
This is the man in
the white
coat. He works for a research company and is going to be your new
friend. Don’t hate me, George, and God have mercy on my wretched soul.”
Man
in yellow hat getting in cab. Man
in white coat putting George in a car.
18.
This is very curious, thought George.
Man
in yellow hat on beach, writing a letter, seated beside him is an interested
penguin.
19.
The man in the yellow hat missed his friend, and still felt
overwhelming
guilt. But he had a life to lead, and everyone has to make some
sacrifices.
Laboratory.
George strapped to chair. Arm tied off. Man in white coat approaches
with needle and length of rope.
20.
George looked at his new friend and the toys in his hand.
And when it
was all
over... He was never curious again.
(to the top)
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