"I Think, Therefore I Ant."
June 18
Helpfully Insolent Father’s Day Suggestions
Father’s
Day was invented by the Irish so Gaelic dads could spend one Sunday a year
doing something they never got to do: drinking pints in a filthy pub until
they puked through their noses. The rest of the world celebrates this holiday by giving the poor bastard a tie. Here are my five fun
alternative Father’s Day gifts: 1. Kill his boss. If there’s one thing dad
hates more than work it’s his boss. Instead of buying dad a putter get a 2x4
and repeatedly hit his boss over the head with it until his skull is a smashed
up piece of pulp and you’re ankle deep in a pool of his blood. Dad will love
you forever! 2. Silence for 24 Hours:
Hey, you can go back to reminding the old man what an asshole he is on Monday.
3. Get Him A Hooker: dad gets
laid, the hooker gets paid; everyone’s a winner. 4. Buy Him A Bag of Pot: Dad’s connections ain’t what they used to
be, so show him some love and get him a half ounce of bud. He finally gets a
chance to mellow out and later he’ll order a pizza! 5. Move Out of the goddamned house! Nothing says, “I love you,
dad” like the back of a U-Haul.
This Week's 10 Fun
Search Terms for Avery Ant
The following are this
week’s favorite 10 search queries people used to get to www.averyant.com
(really!)
japanese godzilla attacks
geriatric sexual positions
watch ann coulter
frankenstein porky pig song
the taurus man in love matters
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job for a useless bastard
bifurcated nipples
beady-eyed moron
Last Christmas is so 2005...
Only 190 Shopping Days Left Until Xmas!
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