"I Think, Therefore I Ant."
June 21
Tom Gets Wet
The
London premiere of Steven Spielberg’s “War of the Worlds” had one
entertaining moment when scientologist/ham Tom Cruise was squirted in the face
while waiting for his spaceship.
The
wonderful man who did it was later released on bail and a parade is to be set
in his honour, although Cruise is calling for The Death Penalty, a police
spokesman said.
The
42-year-old actor was outside a movie theater in central London’s Leicester
Square practicing his recent outbursts of obnoxiousness when a rather sensible
English man squirted Cruise with a water pistol while uttering the words,
“Take that, you overrated blighter.”
Cruise
dropped to his knees, looked to the heavens and cried out, “Mr. Hubbard, why
have you forsaken me?”
The
increasingly weird actor then yelled at the man: “I bet you’re a filthy
psychoanalyst.”
Police
reluctantly detained this marvelous fellow after Cruise refused to let the
incident go. “We didn’t want to, but that Cruise bloke just wouldn’t
shut his gob. What a bleeding wanker he is,” said a London officer.
Katie
Holmes, who became engaged to Cruise last week, was at the premiere and
laughed and laughed and laughed at the incident.
In a recent survey 61% of people said they
wished the man had used a pie and 39% said they wished he used a real gun.
Your
Horoscope:
Aries:
A negative aspect to Mercury, planet of the mind, may make you doubt you are
doing the right thing: A better indication is the army of police cars that
have surrounded your house.
Taurus: As usual you are dwelling on the one little thing that is going
wrong with your life when there are thousands of bigger things to be more
concerned about.
Gemini: According to the planets
your decision to stop washing your hair was really off the mark.
Cancer: As much as you like to divide your life into neat little
packages, chopping off your fingers and compartmentalizing them was still a
misguided plan.
Leo: Today’s Mercury-Neptune aspect warns you that you will be
attacked by a swarm of kittens. Be prepared.
Virgo: One of your gifts is your ability to see through the crap. Go
around telling people that you read this in your horoscope today. It will
impress them and get you lots of respect.
Libra: You don’t have to rush things or cut corners – but you always
do, so why change?
Scorpio: Your mind is a powerful machine. It’s just that the warranty
ran out ages ago.
Sagittarius: Sheep continue to view you as a role model.
Capricorn: Don’t get distracted by... Hey, look! A shiny red ball!
Aquarius: The problem with you is everything.
Pisces: Pssst... You have food in your teeth.
Link
Of The Week: Blogywood
Looking for a fun site with lots of superb
links? Then say hello and thank-you to Steven at Blogywood because he’s got
tons of great stuff for your Internet edification. Blogywood is chock-full of
wild and weird news stories, funny flash, amazing animation, general hilarity,
and, yes, babes. Plus, as a special bonus: It’s all for free! Why does he do
it? I can only guess it’s because he just cares too damn much. Take a peek.
You’ll be glad you did.
This Week’s 10
Words-Or-Less Celebrity Summations:
Jaleel
White (aka: Steve Urkel): Still universally
despised
Bat
Boy: Mortally wounded by music critics and
now dead of rabies
Donny Rumsfeld: Completely out and hideous to the eye
(to the top)
To read all the other mildly
exciting editions of "Avery's Daily Journal" visit
"Avery's Journal Archives"
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