"I Think, Therefore I Ant."
September 5
This
Week’s Featured Album:
CHAINO
Liner Notes.
Side One
1. Chaino On “Punching Out The Buddha”
2. Chaino’s Philosophy about Poisoning School Children
3. Chaino’s Theory Of The Noble Savage Pimp
4. Do The Chaino Growl (Or Else You Die!)
Side Two
1. What Chaino Did On His Summer Holiday (He Kill People!)
2. The Chaino Whip & Stab Dance Mix
3. Chaino On "Golf & How To Use The Clubs As Weapons"
4. Chaino Kills! (Recorded live at The Hollywood Bowl)
Chaino
proud musician. Chaino proud of his latest record. Yaghhhh! Chaino proud of
his ability to scream “Yaghhhh!”
Chaino recorded this album on limited budget. Chaino enlist non-union musicians.
Chaino beat them with whips until they create unique “Chaino Sound.”
Chaino mic drums from behind and add reverb. Make big noise. Chaino sacrifice
chicken on mixing board. Recording engineer not like this. He yell at Chaino.
Chaino get mad and cut his head off and shrink it. Chaino drink out of
shrunken head as he write these liner notes... Ha, ha, ha... Chaino laugh.
Chaino say you buy this record or he put voodoo spell on you. Chaino say you
go, buy it now!
Chaino
1969
Cover photo: Son of Chaino ©
1969 Head Hunted Records
Hilary & Video Games
"Pass me the hand grenades, will you sweetie?"
It looks like all those years of being married to American’s horniest man
have finally rattled Hilary Clinton. She’s gotten herself into a real tizzy
over video games and is crusading like a demented zealot over Grand Theft
Auto. What’s whipped up her moral indignation is the revelation that there
are hidden sex scenes going on in the game. Of course, when it comes to sex
been hidden from her, Mrs. Clinton could write a book: It takes a village
– to satisfy my husband! I guess since Hilary can’t control Bill, she
figures the next best thing is to stop teenage boys playing with their
joysticks. Why can’t she act like other Democrat politicians and just be a Dull,
Earnest, Mostly Ordinary Creature Reiterating
Ambivalent Talk and leave the hysterics to those uptight radical
right wing fanatics. Now they know how to do moral outrage! To
be honest, this makes me want to drop an Acme Anvil on her head. But I’m
worried that might get her going on cartoon violence. And that’s my bread
and butter, baby!
Your Horoscope:
Aries: It is not
helpful to know too much about the future, so today we’re telling you squat.
Taurus: It is not helpful to know too much about the future. That is
all.
Gemini: It is not helpful to know too much about the future, but we are
happy to help with the past: You just read this horoscope. Your welcome.
Cancer: You will continue to view bureaucrats as officials who are
rigidly devoted to the details of administrative procedure.
Leo: Mercury left Leo at 1.52 pm EDT and entered Virgo. Leo has been
crying and drinking ever since.
Virgo: A stray tuba and your love of annoying the neighbors come together.
Libra: You have the feet of a flightless bird and the nose of a
schnauzer.
Scorpio: You read these everyday and yet you still haven’t laughed once.
Was that a smile? No, still
nothing.
Sagittarius: See above.
Capricorn: What’s good for Sagittarius (so to speak) is good for you
(so to speak).
Aquarius: Often when people get angry it is because they are anxious.
You frequently make a lot of people “anxious.”
Pisces: A highly contentious issue regarding your kitchen cupboards is
linked to the previous Mercury retrograde. How? Well, who knows? When it comes
to Mercury and retrograde are there ever any clear answers?
Tom
Cruise Insanity Watch
Today:
Guarded
(Check
Back For Daily Updates)
Tom Cruise the “Lost Boy”
An
old pal of vampire Tommy Cruiser has helped cultivate the bloodsucker’s new
image by revealing he used to lead cruel attacks on mice and birds and reward
his gang with homoerotic treats and clothing.
The newly converted vampire’s past has come back to haunt him in the guise
of Kentucky childhood pal Tommy Puckett, who has revealed some of Cruise's
darkest secrets to anyone who will listen.
Puckett
claims his undead pal was the leader of a gang of naughty “Lost Boys” that
used to terrorize neighbourhood pets and vermin.
He reveals, "One of
our hobbies was to drink the blood of critters like rabbits, squirrels, mice
and birds. Tom couldn’t get enough. He was our leader and he would reward
our loyalty with steamy wet kisses and big red hickies.”
No word yet on when Tom starts his legal proceedings. Although we can
guarantee it won’t be during the hours of sunlight.
I want to suck your...blood
Babies...
EXT.
PARK -- AFTERNOON
TWO
MEN with strollers sit down on a park bench. They
pick their babies up, look at each other’s and smile.
One:
How old is yours?
Two: Eight weeks. Yours?
One: Six weeks.
Two: Great age. I love them when their six weeks. Boy?
One: No girl.
Two: That's great. She's a real cutie.
One: Thanks. Yours too. Just adorable.
Two: Thanks... Wanna trade?
One: Sure.
They quickly switch babies and walk off.
This Week's
10 Favorite Search Terms for Avery Ant
The following are this week’s favorite 10 search
queries people used to get to www.averyant.com
(really!)
sanctimonious
new york times
sex ape
dog pope costume
sex france gonzo
pisces please kill me
ms piggy porn
hairy balls
original gargoyle
libra whore
john candy and sleep apnea
Only 110 Shopping Days Left Until Xmas!
(to the top)
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exciting editions of "Avery's Daily Journal" visit
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