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Avery Ant and his One Minute Overview
A RED BRICK WALL… AVERY ANT standing in front of it…
A BIG HAND holding a STOPWATCH enters the frame and
presses the dial...The watch begins ticking… Edgy Avery looks
agitated… Time is already running out…
AVERY ANT
My name's Avery Ant, and for the next 60 seconds I'm gonna rant
like no other ant. You could call me an insect with issues, and
I'd love to get into it with you but I've only got one minute of
airtime… See, I'm just a cartoon interstitial; so, yeah, I
don't have a big flashy set behind me, but that's not my fault.
I wanted a set - in fact, I even demanded a set. And what did I
get? A Big Hand holding a stopwatch. Gee, thanks a lot!
Okay, you know me as Avery Ant Superstar. But underneath it all
I'm just a small social insect of the hymenopterous family. Or,
in laymen's terms… A worker ant...It's a thankless job that
basically involves taking the bosses clothes to the dry cleaners…
Day in, day out, you're expected to find scraps of food and bring
them back to the colony so the big, fat, queen of an ant can get
even bigger and fatter. And don't expect to hear a "thank-you"
from her majesty. Ha! All you'll ever hear is your foreman telling
you to shut your gob, stop complaining, and next time bring back
potato chips: Just thinking about is enough to make my head spin,
my eyes bug out and my jaw drop to the floor. I'd do it now, but
I'm running out of time and I still have lots of important things
to say.
Just because I'm an ant doesn't mean I'm going to talk about picnics.
You see, contrary to what you might think the concept that "ants
like picnics" is an urban myth. I don't know who started it,
but if I ever find the guy I'm gonna invite all my relatives over
to his house to swim in his sugar bowl. Sure, okay, there's lots
of food at picnics, but there's also a very high "squash factor"
to consider. Not to mention that the "cuisine" you folks
bring is totally disgusting. Trust me, there's nothing appealing
about warm soda pop and soggy egg sandwiches. Plus,
I don't like being in the sun all day.
Okay, my show is called Avery Ant and his One Minute Rant,
I wanted to call it Avery Ant's 30 Minute Rants, but some
big-shot TV producers had their own great ideas about… well,
that can wait. You see, the most important thing is that you kn-
WE
INTERRUPT THE PRECEDING RANT TO
GIVE YOU THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION...
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