For Broadcasters - Avery Ant

Avery, on Theatrical Improvisation:

"I can't understand why we
reward artists - and by artists I mean idiots - for their uncompromising dedication to not preparing before they get on stage."




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Avery Ant and his One Minute Overview

A RED BRICK WALL… AVERY ANT standing in front of it… A BIG HAND holding a STOPWATCH enters the frame and presses the dial...The watch begins ticking… Edgy Avery looks agitated… Time is already running out…


My name's Avery Ant, and for the next 60 seconds I'm gonna rant like no other ant. You could call me an insect with issues, and I'd love to get into it with you but I've only got one minute of airtime… See, I'm just a cartoon interstitial; so, yeah, I don't have a big flashy set behind me, but that's not my fault. I wanted a set - in fact, I even demanded a set. And what did I get? A Big Hand holding a stopwatch. Gee, thanks a lot!

Okay, you know me as Avery Ant Superstar. But underneath it all I'm just a small social insect of the hymenopterous family. Or, in laymen's terms… A worker ant...It's a thankless job that basically involves taking the bosses clothes to the dry cleaners… Day in, day out, you're expected to find scraps of food and bring them back to the colony so the big, fat, queen of an ant can get even bigger and fatter. And don't expect to hear a "thank-you" from her majesty. Ha! All you'll ever hear is your foreman telling you to shut your gob, stop complaining, and next time bring back potato chips: Just thinking about is enough to make my head spin, my eyes bug out and my jaw drop to the floor. I'd do it now, but I'm running out of time and I still have lots of important things to say.

Just because I'm an ant doesn't mean I'm going to talk about picnics. You see, contrary to what you might think the concept that "ants like picnics" is an urban myth. I don't know who started it, but if I ever find the guy I'm gonna invite all my relatives over to his house to swim in his sugar bowl. Sure, okay, there's lots of food at picnics, but there's also a very high "squash factor" to consider. Not to mention that the "cuisine" you folks bring is totally disgusting. Trust me, there's nothing appealing about warm soda pop and soggy egg sandwiches. Plus, I don't like being in the sun all day.

Okay, my show is called Avery Ant and his One Minute Rant, I wanted to call it Avery Ant's 30 Minute Rants, but some big-shot TV producers had their own great ideas about… well, that can wait. You see, the most important thing is that you kn-



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