Avery in the News - Avery Ant

Avery, on Being A Mentor:

"I suppose I'd be willing to mentor a golf caddy. You know, on how to replace my divots, when to shut up, what time to pick me up, and how to pour a perfect vodka tonic."



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Avery Ant and the Ghost of Princess Diana

Having an Affair: Avery May be Doing

Queen's Bidding

Weekly World News - April 12, 2004

By Daisy Pert

Palace officials are said to be furious over Avery Ant's torrid love affair with the ghost of Princess Diana, according to top-secret reports. Prince Charles is particularly upset that the deceased Diana's dalliance with the diminutive star of stage and screen has sullied the palace and left the Prince of Wales the "biggest cuckold in the bloody world!"

"She won't even quit after death! Using a common household pest to get back at a future monarch is pretty low," fumed one palace insider.

Meanwhile, royalists are braced for the worst. Long time royal watcher Molly Sams notes, "I think we're just seeing the tip of the iceberg on this scandal. Have you noticed that Harry in particular has a certain "pisant sais quoi" quality to him? Who knows how long this affair has been going on — and what it could mean to the crown."

Not all agree, however. Another long-time royal observer, Adrienne Frame, believes that Avery Ant and the Queen have conspired with the ghost of Diana to keep Charles in his place until it's his time to take the throne. "Charles has been getting a little too pushy in recent years. The Queen has her own little worker ant in Avery, who, as you know, will do anything for her. The Queen has also managed to tap into the bitterness under Diana's decaying beauty. HRH is definitely calling the shots on this one."

Rumours of the Princess's ghost haunting the palace have persisted since her untimely demise.

"I've seen 'er spectre plenty of times," claims another palace insider. "She was a pretty sorry sight until the ghost of Versace starting designing for her. After that she looked dead lovely. And then that Avery insect chap showed up to help the young princes with their algebra and Chaucer. Next thing, 'e's skulking about the palace like Iago and playing silly buggers with the phantom of the palace, cor wot!"

The Princess is widely known to be the most photographed ghost in the other world.

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