Rants - Avery Ant

Avery, on Mike Erskine-Kellie:

"I made him into the weeping man-child he is today - from the way he quivers in his boots right down to the nervous tics and alcoholic binges that have
become a major part of his life."




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Requiem For An Ant
Thanks for nothing.

To watch more rants, scroll down and
click on the link beside each picture

Generation Fat
We grow 'em big in North America.

Win A Dream Date With Avery
Spend a no-expenses paid night out on the town with me. Bring a paper cup if you're not fond of guzzling from the bottle.
Curious George
George visits Maybelline. Bad things go down.
The "B" Word
In the insect kingdom, this word's a no-no.
The Freaky Wal-Mart Experience
Shopping never felt so wrong.
Male Ego
It's too big to keep in your head.
The Inquisitive Nature of Humans
What does your inquisitive nature get you?
Village Idiots
One day they might be gone forever.
Going Ape Over Evolution
Monkeying about with Darwinism.
The Slut of my Dreams
Ploughing is in the air.
The Alphabet of Life
From Arrival to Zombie.
Avery Ant's Sperm Bank
Put your sperm in our hands.
The National Ant Plea
It's simple: Stop handing out magnifying glasses to four-year-old-brats!
How To Cheat On Your Income Tax
"Creative solutions" provided by Avery Ant.
President P. R. Bush
Spin that Buzz by George.
The Solution To Homelessness
Two Words, "People Hills."
The Evil That Is Evil
Everyone, everything, everywhere: It's all evil.
Canadian Pot & American Guns
Which would you prefer?

Hot Summer Tips
The Ant on "How to be cool."

What's Wrong With Rock Stars Today
In less than 200 words - if you can!
Ronald McDonald's Big Flabby McMakeover
The Man, the myth, the clown.
Talibant Rant
It's always the last place you look.
Ants In The Movies
I'm PO'd about the lack of choice roles for ants in Hollywood films.
Bloody British Boozers
24 Hour Drinking in Britain Sounds Safe and Fun!
Your Cards & Letters
Keep 'em coming!
Here me rant about the disgraceful lack of Avery merchandise. Feel my pain.
On Being A Successful Executive
You gotta do what cha' gotta do...
My Irrational Distrust of Real Estate Agents
...Isn't really all that irrational!
The Church of the Unionized Christ
Our motto is: "I'm on my goddam break!"
Your Kid Isn't A Genius
Moms and Dads of the world face the facts.
What the Duck???
Won't Get Flued Again.
Dating Circus Freaks
It's more fun than a barrel full of geeks!
Insomnia Insanity
The Sleep of Reason.
At Odds & Ends
A Free Association Rant:
And Remember - Nothing's Free.
I Miss
Cultural regurgitation comes up and is here to stay.
Honestly, who needs 'em?
The Voice of Diss Ant
Survival tips from the ant.
The Prostitute Is On Her Way
Look alive -- someone's got to.
Legalize Pot and Sing About Polygamy
That pretty much sums it up.
Pet Ants
The Germans have discovered the joy of ant farms...
The scariest number.
Global Warming is Sexy!
It's hot, hot, hot!
Operation Summer Rain
Where's the shock and awe?
Sex Lives of Dead Bears
Are still more active than a living Panda.
Oh, Oh, Canada
What the hell happened to you?
The Facts of Life
The ant will set your kids, er, straight?
Me So Liberal Guilty
Shame, shame, shame!
Black & Red
Enslaving you two-leggers is good for the economy.
Charity Case
Help me, help you.
Satan & Santa
My theory on "both" of 'em.
Easter Sunday, Bloody Sunday
Get Lent!
My Bloody Valentine
Love isn't always pretty.
The King of April Fools
Send in the clowns, pies, and whoopee cushions.
Helpfully Insolent Fathers Day Suggestions
Do them for dad.
Screw Bastille Day!
Nothing's better than making fun of France.

Win A Month At Rehab With Avery
Let's do detox.

Win A Week at Avery's Ant Farm & Spa
Indulge your inner demons...
Freshly Dumped and Single Again
Hooray! I think.
Dr. Love
Prescribed by the PO'd Pismire.
The Death of Crikey
Killed by Aussie Rules.
I Wanna Be The F#@$ing Poet Laureate
I'd get to sleep in.
Dear God, it's been over 2000 days since
Dick Cheney's last heart attack

I'm just saying...
Quitting Smoking Sucks & Blows...
... Because you can't suck & blow smoke.
Ant Bully - A Profane & Biased Movie Review
There's not enough sex.
America Needs a Hot Babe in The White House
Hilary need not apply.
Bush Fever
Far worse than the common cold.
What to Expect from George Bush in 2006
More of the same.
Vatican Condoms
Wrap yourself in the Church's Love.
Annoyed by Freud
He puts the id in idiot.
Part-Time Priests
Now Closed on Sundays
Avery Ant's School of Hard Knocks
You'll learn — the hard way.
Banks Suck
And they do it well.
I Do Not Like MSN
I do not like them, ant I am.
A Supreme Moron For The Supreme Court
Here Come Da Judge
If I Were King
Long Live The Ant!
Avery for Pope!
He's Pope-A-Licious.
Carl Rove: Sinister Sex Symbol
Sorry girls, he's taken
Yo Camilla!
An unconventional proposal to a misunderstood rottweiler.
Gonzo Goes to Heaven
Gonzo but not forgotten.
The Ann Coulter Affair
It's weirder than... well, Ann Coulter!
Hard-Core Right Wing Sex
Man, are they chock full of nuts.
Drug Companies "R" Them
And it's all about them.
Fox - Jazeera
Finally, some balanced news reporting…
Sesame Street Speakers
Big Bird as commencement speaker doesn’t go over with the graduating punks at Villanova
Stem Cell Research:
After all that political debate, the first project uses them as a cure for baldness.
Download This
Those lucky Canucks get the green light to legally steal music. Only in Canada!
Seen Any Elves Lately?
It's a fair enough question.
Stumping On Corruption
Canada votes and the rest of the world sleeps.

A Modest Military Proposal
For Preventing The Army Of Canada
From Being A Burden To Taxpayers.

Vote for Avery
Why Avery? Why now? Why not!
My Primo Ministerial Political Program
Avery's Stump Speech
Um, About the President....
We all suspected as much, didn't we?
Gay Wedlock
Keep us politicians out of it!
Waste Your Vote on Me!
It's sort of a plan.
My Political Platform
I'm better than cholera.
Big Brother for President
Vote 'em Out. Not In.
A Pismire's Plea to Nader
Just say Nada to Nader.
The Draft
A Once In A Lifetime Offer
George of the Concrete Jungle (H-Bomb Remix)
He's baaack!.
The only ones you can make fun of are: White Guys, Dung Beetles, and the President - who just happens to be all three!
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