| Avery's
Campaign Journal
The
Campaign In Canada
June 25/2004
The
hottest commodity on the political scene these days is the "Vote For Ken
Dryden" political signs. It seems Torontonians have been snatching up the
ex-goalie's placards faster than you can say the "puck stops here."
Yup.
Conservatives, NDPers, even Green aficionados are plucking the signs off lawns
in Mr. Dryden's riding and keeping them as collector's items and memorabilia.
And if the power of suggestion is at all, um, powerful, then these signs could
have a psychologically subliminal effect on how these sign-grabbers vote. After
all, every time they look at it, they see the Liberal Party name.
This
could be the way for the Liberals to once again win over Ontario. Instead of running
politicians, run brand name hockey players. Mr. Dryden's political popularity
is soaring and he played for Toronto's mortal enemy, The Montreal Habs.
Can
you imagine what the results would be if Doug Gilmour was running against Jack
Layton? It wouldn't even be a contest. And who needs Maria Minna when you could
vote for Wendel Clark. And he's from out west, which can only help build Canadian
unity.
And once these hockey players won - because, let's face it, they
would - then they'd make up the houses of parliament and that would be amazing!
Hey, you could sell tickets. The speaker of the house could be a referee, debates
would quickly degenerate into back-bench clearing brawls, and even better; MPs
would get penalties for bad behaviour -- 5 minutes for inappropriate interjections,
2 minutes for not using their "indoor voice."
Hey, there are
a lot of similarities already - opposing benches, different teams, scoring "political
points" the scrums with the media after "the game." In essence,
The PM would be like the team's coach.
If it's going to work, the Liberals
are going to have to implement this plan right away. Mr. Dryden's political signs
may even be more popular than the "Vote Quimby" ones that were swiped
up en masse, during Toronto's election for mayor, but Quimby's name didn't make
it onto the ballot, and last I checked, he was still running Springfield into
the ground.
-----
"When will you learn, Ant Buddy?" Duceppe
crows over the phone, "tings always work out for Monsieur Gilles! And tanks
to 'dis minority dog race, I get to 'old the country 'ostage! My demands are simple.
All of you will worship at 'de feet of moi and do as I damn well tell you! Ha!
Ha! Ha! I am feeling giddy as 'de schoolgirl! I am going to stand on my 'ead while
the rest of 'de country hand-feeds me bon bons! 'Ey, I'm even going to forgive
'dat flop-sweater and puppet of mine, Landry… I warned you, Ant Buddy! You
could 'ave been my arm candy, but now you are just another schmuck of a Canuck!"
June 24/2004
June
23/2004
June
22/2004
June
21/2004
June
20/2004
June
19/2004
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