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Campaign Journal While a vacationing Sen. John Kerry added some of the Democratic Party’s most experienced strategists to his team, (talk about the “Bland leading the Bland”) President George promoted his administration’s plans to build an anti-missile system Tuesday, while repeatedly denying rumors that the missiles are some kind of penis substitute to help him compensate for his, er, um, shortcomings in that area. “Hey, I’m hung like a post,” the President chirped while unzipping his pants and allowing his handlers to come to his aid, “check out this Texas snake.” Once back on track, President Bush continued in his usual bombastic manner, “I think those who oppose this ballsy and ballistic missile system don’t understand the threats of either me or the 21st century,” the president roared. “We say to those tyrants who believe they can blackmail America and the free world: ‘Oh Yeah? I’d like to see you try. You don’t even have weapons of mass destruction like we do, so we’re going to kick your butt and kill you and your children,” Bush said. The president said that Boeing engineers have loaded the first ballistic missile interceptor into a silo in Alaska, characterizing it as “the beginning of a missile defense system that was envisioned by Ronald Reagan -– Who, was a better actor than he was a president... But was still a better president than I’ll ever be –- I admit it,” Bush muttered. Bush said opponents of the system are “living in the past. We’re living in the future. Where everyone has their own super space age bubble car/plane and where every American man lives like George Jetson...” The Bush Man also added, “We’re going to do what’s necessary to protect this country. And I’ll happily stomp on any and all human rights and world opinions as I continue to make the unilateral decisions that Dick Cheney orders me to make.”Aug 17 / 2004 |
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