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Campaign Journal President Bush said Thursday that, with Election Day some 10 weeks away, rival John Kerry likely will propose new costly federal programs that would lead to tax increases on the middle-class, and that he didn’t think the Senator was all that funny on The Daily Show. “You know how tempting it is to get out in front of the people and make promise after promise, hey, that’s why I do it. But the main reason I’m here is to tell you that I thought John Kerry didn’t get a single laugh on The Daily Show. In fact, he drove the comedy proceedings to a slow and grinding halt. Now me, I’m an old fashioned kind of guy. I like my comedy to include lots of pies in the face. A pie in the face is hilarious. Oh, and I like the Three Stooges. Or as I cal them, Dick, Donald and Colin: In fact, I pie those guys on a regular basis,” the president told several thousand supporters on the campus of New Mexico State University while donning Groucho glasses and a fake mustache. “If Mr. Unfunny no-laughs Kerry gets elected, he’s going to tax you, but the good news is we’re not going to let him get elected. Now who’d like to see what happens when I light a match and break wind?” Flying to New Mexico after a week of practicing prop comedy at his Texas ranch, Bush shoved an egg up his nose, a salami down his pants and said Kerry has already proposed $2.2 trillion worth of new promises “and we’re just getting started. And not only that, but watch what happens when I stick a goldfish bowl on my head,” the President said while sticking a goldfish bowl on his head. Bush then spoke fondly of his early years in Clown College before resuming his criticism of Kerry’s record on the war in Iraq. As the President’s giant sized clown shoes begin to smoke and his red nose spun around and around, Bush promised more Swift Boat smear ads and “to introduce the fine art of Texas rodeo clowning into my act, I mean campaign.”Aug 25 / 2004 |
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