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Campaign Journal George W. Bush loves to jam his gun in people’s nose and tell them about the time Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi compared him to Gary Cooper, hero of the Western movie “High Noon.” He also liked to tell people about the time his dad vomited all over Japanese Prime Minister, Miyazawa Kiichi. “Daddy did it deliberately,” the President will snicker. America’s 43rd president cultivates the tough-guy image, offering himself as a grunting man of action. “I’m a gut player,” he says, “I have to be –- after all, I can’t rely on my brain.” Bush is the resolute and groan-inducing president who gripped a bullhorn at a dinner party and called out “I believe man and fish can co-exist together.” “Those who love him say ‘leader, tax-breaks, religious mania.’ His detractors say ‘tyrant, tax-breaks, religious mania,”’ says Doug Wead, some guy who worked with Bush on his father’s 1988 presidential campaign. “But everybody agrees that there’s something in his gut, we think it’s some kind of psychotic alien parasite.” “You got to know I want to win,” Bush told religion editors and writers he met with privately this spring while donning a crown of thorns. “It’s not a given, but let me bang my head against a table, do a few toots, and see if I can muster up a vision of Jesus. He’ll tell me what to do.” Four years after the Supreme Court sealed Bush’s victory by delivering him Florida’s electoral votes, friends and critics alike say he has been remarkably unchanged by his first term in office. “I’m the kind of person who doesn’t change,” he says, “why should I? I’m perfect as is. Now get down on your knees and sacrifice something in my name.” But Laura Bush says in an interview that the terror attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, and the nation’s response to them have “added a solemnness and a seriousness” to her husband’s personality. She hastens to add, though, that he still likes to laugh. “Last week, our gardener cut off his thumb while pruning the azaleas. He almost bled to death. Oh, George thought that was so funny!” Laura Bush also jokes that her husband has such a strong “Alpha male” personality that even her dog, Barney, pays more attention to him than to her. “He’ll kick it, and boy, does that every get the dog’s attention. Once, Barney bit George and by gosh if George didn’t bite Barney right back –- in the testicles!” the First Lady said, ”and oh brother, you should see him josh around with Dick Cheney. Those two slap happy nuts will talk about all the folks they’ve screwed over and all the smear campaigns they’re planning and just laugh and laugh and laugh...”Aug 28 / 2004 |
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