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| Avery's
Campaign Journal President “Anheuser” Bush either blurted out the actual truth; a rather disturbing hidden agenda; or, as his handlers would have you believe, “He simply offered up a new entry for his wacky catalog of ‘Bushisms’” by declaring that his administration will “never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people.” The ex-frat boy, who has a rather long and cruel history of hurting people, vehemently denied that he wants to harm “all” of the American people. “Just those asshole NY Times reporters and, of course, Michael Moore, and most of Hollywood, and the poor, and those rock stars, and sometimes Dick Cheney, oh, and all the Democrats, and Nader as well, and I guess the Green Party, they are pretty harmless, but I’d love to nuke their asses into the ground, and Canada, and what the hell – Mexico, oh, and anyone who was ever mean to me – which is a lot of other people...” Mr. Bush stated before wandering off in search of a cold root beer and hot dog. Bush misspoke as he delivered a speech at the signing ceremony for a $417 billion defense spending bill. “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we,” Bush said. “They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” No one in Bush’s audience of military brass or Pentagon chiefs reacted – and that’s because George is at least smart enough to surround himself with people who are stupider than him. (Which is quite an achievement!) There were reports that Bush’s mischievous speechwriters were seen giggling as Bush delivered the line. “We’re always pulling crazy stunts like this,” one of Mr. Bush’s speechwriters admitted later, “in his next speech we’re gonna write the line, ‘I believe in the American Dream, and I want to join a nudist colony!’ You watch, he’ll say it. He’s so unprepared it’s hilarious. Damn, but I love my job! It’s way more fun than writing for Leno.” The president was working his way toward a larger point. “We must never stop thinking about how best to defend our enemy’s oil rich country. We must always be forward-thinking forward-thinkers,” he said. White House spokesman Scott McClellan said Bush’s misstatement “just shows even the most straightforward and plain-spoken people misspeak... Sure, he runs the country, but you don’t need a high IQ to be president. And the American people know this guy isn’t the sharpest of knives. But don’t forget, when the terrorist stop laughing at him, we are hopeful that they know by his actions he means it... Whatever ‘it’ is, that is,” McClellan said.Aug 5 / 2004 |
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