Avery's Campaign Journal

The Campaign In the USA

June 20/2004

As you all know, my good pal, Bill "Nothing But A Hound Dog" Clinton has jotted down his memoirs, "Sexing It Up In The White House - My 8 Years of Bedding And Bagging Beauties, Broads, and Babes" and I've been lucky enough to get an advanced peek-a-boo at Mr. Clinton's "lascivious tales of lust and power." And let me say, the book is more fun than a night of Karaoke. What's also incredible is that virtually every paragraph ends with the sentence "That's when I suggested we get naked and party down!"

Here are few more tasty tidbits:

May 24, 1996: …And so then I took off my pants and did a strip tease for her (hoping to warm her up a bit!). Then I asked her if she liked what she saw. She said it was hard to say, given that we were speaking over the phone, and that the only reason she had called was to ask whether or not I was happy with my current long distance plan.

January 3, 1998: And then Ms. Lewinsky held me in a full nelson and smiled an evil smile. "You are going to LOVE this!" she said. I started to cry. It was horrible. She began kissing me and tearing off my shirt… I felt vulnerable and slightly aroused. "You're going down!" Ms. Lewinksy barked, and I did as she ordered.

February 14, 1999: My lawyers have drafted up a note to Ms. Lewinksy and, well, all the others, for me. I would have sent one myself but I'm such a busy and important guy. I was thinking of adding a P.S. which said "Just Kidding!" but the legal guys advised against it. So, here's what we have: "On behalf of the well hung and libidinously charged president, we would like to tell you that we are all very sorry for what you've been through. Like the millions of others, we can only hope that your 30-second ordeal will soon be but a distant memory. Once again, sorry about all the sexual harassment. Really!"

June 19/2004
June 18/2004
June 17/2004
June 16/2004
June 15/2004
June 14/2004
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