Avery's Campaign Journal

The Campaign In the USA

June 21/2004

Got a panicky call from "Do Me Now" Clinton. He asked me to come by his hotel room. And while the idea of Bill Clinton and me in a hotel room made me extremely nervous, the poor fellow sounded terribly distraught.

I arrived to find him in a most excitable and whimpering state. He was lying on his stomach on his bed. He was crying loudly and punching and kicking his arms and legs. It was like watching a grown horny toad of a man having a temper tantrum.

I tried to calm him down but he was inconsolable.

"Look at what they wrote," he finally blubbered, "Those judgmental rats from The New York Times, I thought they were my friends."

And there it all was on the front page. Yikes, talk about brutal… According to the Liberal media, Bill's book is, "sloppy, self-indulgent and often eye-crossingly dull - the sound of one man prattling away," I wasn't sure what to say, so I tried out a new knock-knock joke I'd been working on, but he didn't laugh.

"Do you think I should have included more sex stuff in it?" he asked me.

I was about to say something about how, of course, sexy always sells, but then I remembered that this book of his has all ready sold over a million copies, so what does he care if some nimrod scribbler is being nasty about it? Hey, it's The New York Times, chances are good that ace book reporter Michiko Kakutani never even read the damn thing.

I was gonna say all that when there was a knock on the door and a young lady with pink hair and mini skirt and fishnets entered. Bill seemed to perk up. That's when he looked at me like I was a snot rag he'd just discarded. He rubbed his hands together in a lecherous fashion and then told me to "beat it."

Don't know exactly what that meant, but I got out of there as fast as I could.

June 20/2004
June 19/2004
June 18/2004
June 17/2004
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June 15/2004
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