Avery's Campaign Journal

The Campaign In the USA

June 8/2004

Part 3 Of - AVERY: I HAD A DREAM.

For you cat Democrats and kitten Republicans who missed my last two journal entries, I'm retelling a dream I had about George Bush and John Kerry as a bickering married couple. My advice is to check out all the fast paced and furious action of June the 6th and 7th and then come back to this sucker.

George Bush has just broken up with his husband John Kerry. Tipper Gore's head has exploded and her torso is slumped over the dinner table. I still can't see what I'm doing but I can hear myself emit the occasional nervous cough.

George: There's really nothing more to say John. Goodbye.

John: George don't. You're overreacting.

George: Am I? Why over dinner tonight you said that my parents were born with silver spoons up their wazoos, that I'll never be a real Yale man, that I'm a mama's boy, and that the reason we don't have children is because of MY drug habit. And you managed to say it all in that longwinded and boring delivery of yours.

John: Well, what do you know… Maybe you're not overreacting.

George smiles triumphantly and begins to dance a happy little jig.

A funny noise, similar to that of a slowly deflating beach ball emits from Tipper's torso.
John: I see.

John, sensing that George may be serious about leaving him this time, gets down on one knee.

John: George, please, you can't leave me. I need you baby, I need you bad, real bad. Sure, most of America says your poison but if that's the case then put a skull and crossbones on this love of ours. Without you, I'm nothing. Zero, zip, nada… Our love is like a fire, and I'm not talking about one of those three-hour logs you buy at a hardware store… our love will burn forever. You are a wild flower, no, an orchid, they're more expensive… No, you're more like excellent grammar, you're a perfectly punctuated sentence…

George: Goodbye, John. Forever. And this time I think I mean it. It's like daddy says, "Read my lips."

John: Stop teasing me, George.

TOMORROW - PART FINALE: BREAK OUT THE VIOLINS. ALSO: SPECIAL DVD VERSION WITH PLENTY OF ADDED BONUS FEATURES.

June 7/2004
June 6/2004
June 5/2004
June 4/2004
June 3/2004
June 2/2004
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