Avery's Campaign Journal

The Campaign In the USA

Oct 14 / 2004

Looking to find out what the candidates were actually thinking during the Town Hall debate? Click here: October 8

------

A Pennsylvania court struck Darth Nader's name from the state's ballot yesterday, declaring that nearly two-thirds of the signatures on the limelight-sucking moron’s nominating petitions were invalid or had been forged in what the court called an unparalleled case of election fraud.

However, the courts were willing to give Mr. Nader and his sneaky handlers an “A+” when it came to “Being extremely unimaginative when it comes to cheating.”

“This won’t stop me – you’ll see! One day I will be the president and I’ll run this show and rule you all. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!” said a jovial and dementedly upbeat Nader, who everyday moves closer to becoming America’s favorite punch line.

The decision, if upheld, could significantly change the equation in Pennsylvania, a swing state with 21 electoral votes. Polls show President Shrub and Senator Yawn in a dead heat, with Nader Boy attracting about 3 percent of the electorate there. Republicans, who were stuffing oodles of cash down Ralphie’s G-String to help him take votes from Mr. Kerry, are said to be seriously bummed out.

“I’m seriously bummed out,” said one seriously bummed out Republican.

James G. Colins, the president judge of the Commonwealth Court, who noted that he had served longer, and reviewed more nominating papers than any judge in the court's history, wrote, "I am compelled to emphasize that this signature-gathering process was the most deceitful and fraudulent exercise ever perpetrated upon this court."

Team Nader (a goofy troupe of deluded buffoons), said it would appeal the decision to the state's Supreme Court and that they would be willing to sell Ralph’s hair on the Internet to help raise the money to buy a judge.

Judge Colins said the conduct of the Nader campaign "shocks the conscience of the court... I had no idea that people in politics could be so deceitful,” he added.

He said, "In reviewing signatures, it became apparent that in addition to signing names such as Mickey Mouse, Fred Flintstone, John Kerry and the ubiquitous Ralph Nader, there were thousands of names that were created at random and then randomly assigned either existent or nonexistent addresses by the circulators."

The Campaign In the USA

The Campaign In Canada