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| Avery's
Campaign Journal Our two boys fighting for the top job (Mr. Shrub and Yawn Kerry) may both say that they are concerned about environmental issues but that hasn’t stopped them from polluting the airwaves with their TV advertisements. These guys really know how to take the fun out of watching a repeat episode of ”Mama’s Family.” President Shrub’s oh-so subtle and symbolism laden TV ads state that the country will be vulnerable to terrorists under a John Kerry presidency. Using animals, in what can only be described as hackneyed and tired imagery, the Republican ads depict, get this, prowling wolves in a forest waiting to pounce as a skipping John Kerry wearing a red riding hood and cape, tra-la-las past them. As the Senator hippety-hops merrily through the woods unaware of the lurking danger, an ominous voice-over growls, “Not only is Kerry a transvestite, but he’s living in a fairy tale. His disgusting and liberal weakness attracts those who are waiting to do America terrible, serious, and awful harm.” Countering, the Democratic Party released a commercial that features Mr. Kerry in a “Superhero” costume and cape flying through the air as bullets bounce harmlessly off his muscular and barrel chest. It is then that much like any bird in flight, Mr. Kerry evacuates his bowels, releasing a turd that lands on the ground beside an ostrich with its head in the sand. (Oh, and the ostrich is standing next to a “bush.”) The female voice-over in the ad then asks: “Given the choice, in these challenging times, shouldn’t we be super heroes again? After all, they’re really super!”” Kerry running mate John Edwards, in a Boynton Beach, Fla., spa and health bar, said Bush had “stooped so low” that he was “continuing to try to scare America in his speeches and ads in a despicable and contemptible way. Much like Hitler might have. And I don’t think I’m stooping to Bush’s despicable and contemptible level when I say he’s like Hitler. But if the swastika fits...” Most offended by the spots are “The Society for Ostriches” and “Wolves Are People Too” advocacy groups who have spoken out against the ads. “Why is it that the wolf is always depicted as the bad guy?’ asked Jeremy Fox (yes, Fox) spokesmen for Wolves Are People Too, “And for God’s sake don’t compare them to politicians or terrorists; those guy’s are way worse. And why not pick on the pit bulls for a change, huh?” Karl Rove (Satan’s drinking pal and the head Republican wolf) said they used wolves because, “they scare the s*&t out of most people and what we’re trying to do with this particular ad is scare the s*&t out of most people. The ad was created in the spring and was found to be highly effective in scaring the s*&t out of focus groups, particularly among undecided voters.” “It’s certainly playing to fear,” said Darrell Blop, an unemployed political scientist who studies campaign advertising when he’s not looking for work. “It builds logically on the vicious hyperbole and paranoia that they’ve been saying for months.” Voters in 14 states will see the ad, which also will run on national cable, starting Friday. Bush’s campaign and the Republican National Committee are spending roughly $15 million on TV commercials this week, and GOP officials say that sum is likely to be higher next week, the last one before Nov 2. Expect eyeballs across America to begin bleeding very soon... The Democratic National Committee, too, has had its ad prepared for months. Officials say they will begin nauseating Americans with it at heavy levels starting early next week on national cable networks and in battleground states. The ad, with classical music playing, says: “The Super Kerry soars high above the Earth. The ostrich buries its head in the sand. The Super Kerry battles evil and avoids kryptonite. The ostrich hangs around its bush and can’t see a thing. The ostrich makes unilateral decisions and is ugly looking. The Super Kerry is wise and knows all.” Americans are advised to keep barf buckets nearby when watching television. Oct 23 / 2004 |
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