Avery's Campaign Journal

The Campaign In the USA

Oct 8 / 2004

Well, the meat puppets get to swing again for Round 2. And new polls show a slight shift toward the Demokitten challenger with the hair and more lousy news on Iraq for the Republicat president with the paper thin resume.

This time, Bush is expected to be on the defensive going in after a widely panned performance in last week’s debate: Ebert and Roeper gave George “Two Big Thumbs Down” and People Magazine said, “Mr. Bush just wasn’t convincing in his role as a gun-toting cowboy; he reminded me more of a sputtering, stumbling, petulant cartoon character than a president. The Commander-In-Chief??? More like a sneering Sponge Bob Square Pants!”

Tonight’s encounter at Washington University will be a fun-filled, town-hall style, affair. The candidates will be perched casually on stools by their handlers, who will then insert their fists up each man’s anus and proceed to answer questions for their respective puppets.

That’s right! Tonight will also give us a glimpse at the puppet masters behind the puppets. Expect lots of parlor tricks, zingers, and one-liners.

The debate format calls for moderator Charles Gibson of ABC to ask any question submitted in advance from the audience of about 150 undecided voters chosen by the Gallup polling organization. Oh, and the honchos at ABC want him to dance!

Some possible brainteasers for the lads include:

• Is it true that the presidential seat in the Oval Office is also a toilet?
• Who do you think history will remember as the hottest 1 st Lady?
• Who’s more evil? Saddam, Osama, or Dick?
• What’s the difference between magma and lava?
• Is it wrong for a girl to ask a guy out?
• What’s your favorite beer?
• Who do you like better – Godzilla or King Kong?
• How often do wildebeest migrate?
• Who did you have sex with to get where you are?
• Do you know how to hook up a DVD player?

The Campaign In the USA

The Campaign In Canada