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Campaign Journal America’s most literary writer, the queen of slash and burn biography, Kitty Kelley is back. And oh boy, has she got a Bush book extravaganza to sell. And the folks in the White House are plenty pissed about it. Good old Kelley’s book, The Beastly Bush Family and Their Dynasty of Coke, Corruption, Whiskey and Wahoo is said to include new charges about drug use by the USA’s Commander-In-Chief in his younger years... I’m already salivating! Of course George’s own smear team has branded the book “garbage” without having seen it –- but let’s be honest, when Kitty Kelley writes a book about you, the only plan you have is to attack Ms. Kelley as an unreliable, poison-penned hack who’s out to get you. Frankly, I’ll never forget the image of Sinatra eating bacon and eggs off a Las Vegas hooker’s stomach. Thanks for the memories, Kitty. Major U.S. media that have advance copies of the book are treading cautiously and are likely still mindful that The New York Times publicly acknowledged it erred by publishing a Kelley excerpt about Reagan in which the plucky writer depicted the late president as, among other things, a date rapist. But hey, I’m not an, ah-hem, “credible” paper like The New York Times, so here’s a few tasty excerpts from the book: ...George snorted another line. His nose was encrusted with snot and blood but he was smiling like a maniacal and stygian demon. Swigging back the whiskey and lighting yet another joint, George then picked up the lampshade and placed it on his head. “Hey guys,” he slurred, “who’s up for some public urination? Or better yet, let’s go bug my dad, he’s got some foreigners in the Oval Office.” --- “You’re too drunk to drive, George,” his friends all laughed. “So what?” Replied the wasted reprobate, “Everyone already knows I’m a screw up. But I’m good at one thing... Screwing up! Yee haw! Now who’s up for some cow tipping and public urination?” --- George was now totally toasted. He’d done crack a few times before, but he’d never mixed it with opium, cheesies, pink gin, and methane... The buzz was intense. He was too wasted to even consider public urination. And that’s when he saw Jesus. The Lord smiled before him and handed George a beer and a bong. “Everything will be all right, my useless son,” the Messiah said...Sept 11 / 2004 |
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