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| Avery's
Campaign Journal I’m going to admit to being a little “antsy” about the upcoming debates. It’s critical that I make the right impression, while also appealing to women 18 – 35. (I really can’t stress the importance of that!) One of the main things you want to do is open strong and let the audience know who you really are and what you really stand for. I’m pretty sure I know how my worthless opponents will introduce themselves… George Shrub:Hi America. And God bless you and everyone in it who’s just like me. Otherwise known as the right kind of American. As for the rest of you gays and heathens, (I can’t tell you apart) not to mention the women, pro-choicers, immigrants, terrorists, terrorist sympathizer Democrats, and other unwashed fringers, well, you can all go to hell. Wait, let me rephrase that – you will all go to hell! As you know, if you don’t elect me then America will be destroyed be her enemies. And thanks to me, we now have a few more... Sure, chances are good we would be much safer today if I had kept my focus on al-Qaida, rather than diverting crucial resources from the war on terror in Afghanistan to a war of choice in Iraq, but I’ve never been much for keeping focus, have I? Hey look, my tie has a soup stain on it! Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah! Vote for me. Sure I may frighten children, but on a completely different subject, I just want to say that, much like an OB/GYN practices making his love on women, I love this country. So let’s get America up on the stirrups while I slip on some rubber gloves! John “Kerry On Flip Flopping”:Hello, America. No, wait I mean Greetings USA. Um, scratch that, let’s go with, hi there, North America. No, no, how about, good evening US of A. Hmm, maybe, or, no, let’s go with Hey America, I’m reporting for duty. Or should that be, I’m ready to report for duty? I guess either is fine, but I should make a decision. Let me get back to you on that one. I think maybe I’ll just go with, Good evening America. It’s simple and straightforward. Although, Hi there my fellow Americans is good. In fact, maybe it’s even better. Yes, that’s it, that’s the one. That’s the keeper. Okay then: Hi there my fellow Americans. No! Wait, sorry about this, let’s change it to, Good evening my fellow Americans, okay? Okay! So... Good evening my fellow Americans... Hey, where did everybody go? Sept 25 / 2004 |
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