Avery's Campaign Journal

The Campaign In the USA

Sept 4 / 2004

Austrian historians are ridiculing California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger for telling the U.S. Republican convention that he saw Soviet tanks in his homeland as a child. Recalling that the Soviets once occupied part of Austria in the aftermath of the Second World War, Schwarzenegger told the convention on Tuesday: "I zaw tanks in ze streets. I zaw communism wiz my own eyes."

No freaking way, feisty historians say, challenging Schwarzenegger's knowledge of postwar history.

"It's a fact —- as a child he could not have seen a Soviet tank in Styria," the southeastern province where Schwarzenegger was born and raised, historian Stefan Karner told the Vienna newspaper Kurier.

So then... It must be safe to assume that Ah-nold was speaking more as a politician (liar) than an historian.

Using Arnold's logic, let's look at some other possibilities behind the  "TRUE LIES" that The Terminator shared with us at the Republican Convention:

• “To think that a once-scrawny boy from Austria could grow up to become Governor of California,” TRUE LIE:Austria is the birthplace of Hitler. Hitler was pretty scrawny. Hitler’s body was never found. Arnold is Hitler.
  
• “To those critics who are so pessimistic about our economy, I say: Don’t be economic girlie men!” TRUE LIE: Once a thriving species, The Economic Girlie Men were hunted for sport by Republicans in the mid 20 th Century and are now virtually extinct.
  
• “This is like winning an Oscar! ...As if I would know!” TRUE LIE: Speculation is that Arnold will win an Oscar for his upcoming role in “King Kong Crushes Godzilla” Arnold will be playing the part of Kong. Playing the part of Godzilla –- Zell Miller.
  
• "As a kid, I saw the socialist country that Austria became after the Soviets left" VERY TRUE LIE:Austria was governed by coalition governments, including the Conservative People's party and the Social Democratic party. Between 1945 and 1970, all the nation's chancellors were conservatives — not socialists... Okay, it’s not hilarious – but it’s true.

• “One of my movies was called “True Lies.” It’s what the Democrats should have called their convention ,” TRUE LIE:Arnold is also a liar. Ergo, Arnold is also a Democrat. .
  
• “My family didn’t have a car,” TRUE LIE: Does that mean that Arnold’s dad drove a tank? It would explain a few things...
  
• “I remember watching the Nixon and Humphrey presidential race on TV.” TRUE LIE:Arnold was too busy “acting” in the movie, “Hercules goes Bananas” to be watching television.
  
• “If you believe this country, not the United Nations, is the best hope of democracy in the world then you are a Republican!” TRUE LIE: As we have previously proven, Arnold is a Democrat. Therefore, he believes that the United Nations (specifically Paris) is the best hope for democracy in the world.
  
• “The President didn’t go into Iraq because the polls told him it was popular ,” TRUE LIE: He did it because his soul mate, Dick Cheney told him to.
  
• “He grinned at me and said, ‘Arnold ... I’ll be back!’” (Referring to the soldier who had lost a leg, had a hole in his stomach and whose shoulder had been shot through) TRUE LIES: The soldier actually used Arnold’s other famous movie quote and said to the bulky Austrian, ”F*&k you, asshole.”

Sept 3 / 2004
Sept 2 / 2004
Sept 1 / 2004
Aug 31 / 2004
Aug 30 / 2004
Aug 29 / 2004
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