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| Avery's
Campaign Journal Hi Democats and Repulikittens. I’m taking a couple of days off and spending them at the Bush Ranch (don’t tell George though, he’ll get real pissed!). So in the spirit of laziness and political regurgitation, I’m just gonna spout out some political platforms and ideas that you’ve heard me yap on about before. I envision a strong America, a progressive America, a sexy America! My education policy is simple: More schools, fewer teachers, no students – think of the savings, people! On the environment, I say why do we have to leave the planet a better place for our children? What have they done for us? That’s right, I’m talking smoke stacks on every corner and SUV’s for all. Let’s party like it’s 1959! As for accountability, well, at least I’m honest enough to admit that I’m totally corrupt. When I drink, I gamble. But if elected, I “promise” here and now to stealing no more than the cash equivalent of 0.5% of the country’s GNP on an annual basis. Beyond that, I’m good. So remember, do the right thing and vote Avery. Don’t waste it on Nader; waste it on me. Because like everyone else in the free world, I’ve got a better chance of wining than he does. As for Kerry: all he talks about are his three Purple Hearts, two Pink Stars, one Yellow Moon, and Green Clovers. Oh wait, I’m thinking of Lucky Charms – they’re magically delicious. And then there’s George. That uncompromising, enterprising, always unilateralizing right on George. He scares me even more than those terrorists that he keeps saying are coming to get us. And I’m not going to imply Dick Cheney is a nasty ogre type of child-eating monster, I’ll just say it. And last –- always last -– there’s the Green Party. They’re a nutty bunch of idealists whose party headquarters is located under a bridge. Now, sure, I’m no better than any of them. In fact, I’m worse. But I can do one thing none of those jokers can –- Recite all the words to Bonanza. Observe... We got a right to pick a little fightBonanza! If anyone fights anyone of us He's gotta fight with me! We're not a one to saddle up and run, Bonanza! Anyone of us who starts a little fuss knows he can count on me! One for four Four for one, This we guarantee. We got a right to pick a little fight Bonanza! If anyone fights anyone of us He's gotta fight with me! Sept 6 / 2004 |
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