for Prime Minister
GOVERNANCE AND ACCOUNTABILITY
Unlike the other candidates I, Avery Ant, admit up front to being greedy,
larcenous and completely self-serving in my thirst for power. Will my
government be corrupt? Of course it will. But, with me at the helm it
will be controlled corruption, measured corruption, corruption you can
count on and account for. When elected, I commit here and now to stealing
the cash equivalent of 0.5% of the country's GNP* on an annual basis.
Beyond that - I'm good.
So, as long as I'm firmly planted with my mouth in the trough, you can
fully expect that the remaining tax dollars in our country will be put
to more mundane uses like health care and education without any undue
political interference or - to be frank - interest.
As far as my Cabinet goes, I plan to adopt a zero tolerance approach.
Any member of my Cabinet caught with his hand in the cookie jar will be
fired, publicly humiliated and forced into exile in the Falkland Islands.
Any monies misappropriated will be recovered through selling the television
rights to the public humiliation ceremonies which may range from a simple
spanking (for minor infractions) to tar and feathering to ruthless teasing
and name calling.
*(0.5 of GNP is an estimate and may go higher depending on scope of gambling
AFFORDABLE HOUSING AND HOMELESSNESS